(Author : Abhidip 'makai' Sengupta)
Well, I never really understood the true
meaning of celebrating Bijoya. Fucking Bengalis, they drink, party and fuck
around for 4 days and after that also they need to celebrate the hangover. I
mean why?!?!
Probably it is just a month long after party. Then again the mighty Diwali, sorry the Kali Pujo comes, the day people get drunk with a phooljhuri (phooljhari) shoved up in their asses and stud school boys act all cool by bursting their illegal chocolate bombs with cigarettes. (Yes, I used to do this.)
Probably it is just a month long after party. Then again the mighty Diwali, sorry the Kali Pujo comes, the day people get drunk with a phooljhuri (phooljhari) shoved up in their asses and stud school boys act all cool by bursting their illegal chocolate bombs with cigarettes. (Yes, I used to do this.)
So, yes, Bijoya. The celebration
celebrating the end of the celebration of Durga Puja. Yes, might sound a bit
confusing, but this is how I felt throughout my life.
This year, on the last day, rather night of Durga Puja (Dashami) when everything was over (starting from women playing with sindoor wearing red-white sarees and all the other things you saw in ‘Kahaani’ to the idol getting immersed in the Hooghly River from the ghats were couples grope each other on normal days), even the ultra-pathetic, shoot yourself-worthy cultural programs in our Housing Complex in which kids who can’t even properly aim and pee sing Rabindrasangeet with huge ass harmoniums were over. Me and my friend Dhrubo (Both of us were extremely inebriated, heh heh) were sitting in one corner and talking about random shit.
This year, on the last day, rather night of Durga Puja (Dashami) when everything was over (starting from women playing with sindoor wearing red-white sarees and all the other things you saw in ‘Kahaani’ to the idol getting immersed in the Hooghly River from the ghats were couples grope each other on normal days), even the ultra-pathetic, shoot yourself-worthy cultural programs in our Housing Complex in which kids who can’t even properly aim and pee sing Rabindrasangeet with huge ass harmoniums were over. Me and my friend Dhrubo (Both of us were extremely inebriated, heh heh) were sitting in one corner and talking about random shit.
Now, what happens next, sums up Durga Puja
in the best possible way.
The scene in the pandal was kinda sad, electricians were packing up the mics, and speakers, Dhaakis (Well, Puja Drummers, could not think of a better translation) were making their beds and planning to sleep, all the organizing committee uncles were sitting in a circle, chilling and discussing and praising themselves how successful the Puja was, even though the rains fucked it up a bit. And all the aunties tired of conducting all the Pujas and the rituals were concurring with their husbands.
And there were some kids, 6-8 years old, annoying as fuck with their ‘phat phat’ cap pistols.
The scene in the pandal was kinda sad, electricians were packing up the mics, and speakers, Dhaakis (Well, Puja Drummers, could not think of a better translation) were making their beds and planning to sleep, all the organizing committee uncles were sitting in a circle, chilling and discussing and praising themselves how successful the Puja was, even though the rains fucked it up a bit. And all the aunties tired of conducting all the Pujas and the rituals were concurring with their husbands.
And there were some kids, 6-8 years old, annoying as fuck with their ‘phat phat’ cap pistols.
Now something hilarious happens, a group of
4 stray dogs, dirty as fuck, I mean not cute dirty, I am talking about ‘bloody
eaten up skin through which you can see the flesh’ dirty comes running towards
the kids while barking as loud as hell in a synchronized style, clearly they
were in a mood to completely fuck those annoying kids up and leave no trace of
them. They were like a proper army of
disgusting stray dogs, who did not get to sleep in the community hall for 4
days thanks to Durga Puja, they were not even allowed within the 50 mts radius
of the Pandal, as they might attack the Puja rations, not only that, constant torture of loud
speakers made them desperate to fight against the bloody human species
They were as resolute as Jihadis, they came barking and scared the shit out of those kids, I am pretty sure, 2 of them urinated on their new puja clothes, which they bought from Pantaloons Factory Outlet. And 1 of those fucking dogs managed to land a bite on the most annoying kid’s leg. All the uncles and aunties started shouting, the dog gang escaped before the security guards came with their sticks. The best surprise attack I have ever seen. At least 10 times better than what Hrithik Roshan did in Lakshya.
The poor kid who got bitten started crying, obviously. (His cry was 100 times more annoying than the cap pistol sounds). Suddenly an emergency situation took place, all the uncles and aunties became concerned and started showing their concern by leaving the pandal one by one, the uncle with the car was the first one to fuck off.Seriously, who wants to celebrate ending of the Durga Puja with an annoying, little, dog bitten, piece of shit.
They were as resolute as Jihadis, they came barking and scared the shit out of those kids, I am pretty sure, 2 of them urinated on their new puja clothes, which they bought from Pantaloons Factory Outlet. And 1 of those fucking dogs managed to land a bite on the most annoying kid’s leg. All the uncles and aunties started shouting, the dog gang escaped before the security guards came with their sticks. The best surprise attack I have ever seen. At least 10 times better than what Hrithik Roshan did in Lakshya.
The poor kid who got bitten started crying, obviously. (His cry was 100 times more annoying than the cap pistol sounds). Suddenly an emergency situation took place, all the uncles and aunties became concerned and started showing their concern by leaving the pandal one by one, the uncle with the car was the first one to fuck off.Seriously, who wants to celebrate ending of the Durga Puja with an annoying, little, dog bitten, piece of shit.
And that’s how the august gathering ended.
Durga Puja got officially over in our housing complex.
The entire thing happened in just 5 minutes. Dhrubo and I saw the entire thing and he said, “We go crazy about Pujo, Pujo Pujo, it’s all over now, thanks to those 4 stray dogs, who took the responsibility of ass fucking the pujo on its last few remaining minutes.”
As if this dog gang made a statement “There you go motherfuckers! It’s our time now, 4 days are over”.
The entire thing happened in just 5 minutes. Dhrubo and I saw the entire thing and he said, “We go crazy about Pujo, Pujo Pujo, it’s all over now, thanks to those 4 stray dogs, who took the responsibility of ass fucking the pujo on its last few remaining minutes.”
As if this dog gang made a statement “There you go motherfuckers! It’s our time now, 4 days are over”.
:D
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